There have been some absolutely gorgeous entries on this blog about showing kindness to others, being helpful, and stretching ourselves outside of the box in order to grow. But today I'd like to talk about a different aspect of kindness, and one that isn't always easy to swallow.
Honesty.
The idea for this post bloomed in my mind when I was talking to Erica on the phone this morning. I ran an idea I had by her and asked for her awesome editor professional experience. And her immediate response was, "NO NO NO." Pause. "Ha. NO. Bad idea."
I started laughing. Because she was totally right. And then I wanted to kiss her because her point blank-honesty saved me from going about ten rungs down on the professional writer scale.
Erica is my friend and critique partner. She's also honest, even if it's something I don't want to hear.
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| What do you mean you no like my snoring? |
But you know what? If I'm not going to be honest, someone else eventually is. And it probably won't be pretty.
Being truly kind to someone you love is being honest, even if it stings a little. Because if I really care about my family, friends and critique partners, then it's my responsibility to (gently) tell them when they're making a mistake that could hurt them. When that plot line in their story just isn't working. When that dress really doesn't look that great on them.
I always want to help far more than I hurt. But what I'm realizing is that sometimes there is more hurt in saying nothing than in telling the truth. And people deserve that honesty. I'm doing them a disservice, not a kindness, if I let them go out into the world with a novel full of plot holes or a dress two sizes too small.
So, I challenge you guys today: Be honest, even if it's tough. It's one of the best types of kindness you can give to the people you love. I promise.
xo.
SO MUCH YES. I struggle with this all the time. Occasionally I even find myself professing something I totally disagree with just because I feel it is the nice thing to say at the moment... and I am heartily ashamed of myself afterward.
ReplyDeleteBut you are so. Damn. Right. I am determined to be stronger with this, to do my friends the kindness of sharing my true thoughts.
Thank your for YOUR honesty, today, and always. You have no idea how nice it is to have you around.
LOVE this! LOL. Well, you can count on me to always be honest with you. I do love you and I want what's best for you!! As corny as it sounds, honesty is the best policy, but there's a line. I have to check myself, because I don't want to come off as insensitive either.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post ;o) <33 And thank you for covering for me. YOU ROCK MY WORLD. I'm so thankful to have you in my life!
I definitely struggle with this sometimes. When it comes to crits, not so much, mostly because I really want to see them succeed, and like you said, it's a disservice to them to hold back what I think is a mistake, but I do try to make it clear that it's just my opinion and someone else might feel differently. It's so subjective, after all. But other things, well, I can fail. I tend to hold too much to myself until it's too late, in part because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and in part because maybe I'm wrong. I'm sure it's possible to find a happy balance. Call me a work in progress there! Once I had a friend who was dating someone I thought was cheating on her. I was afraid to tell her--to hurt her and also myself, because I was afraid she wouldn't believe me and I wasn't 100% certain he was cheating. It turns out he was, and she found out, and she was upset when I didn't tell her my suspicions. She felt like she'd been duped. We got past it and she met someone pretty awesome, but I probably should've said something. Or maybe not. What if it turned out he hadn't been cheating? I'm still not sure what the right thing was. See how I struggle? LOL
ReplyDeleteSo much wisdom in this. The truth shall set you free.
ReplyDeleteI have a Robert Louis Stevenson quote on the cork board above my desk that says "The truth that is suppressed by friends is the readiest weapon of the enemy". I feel like growing up I was always told to "be nice", and that IS important, but that's only half the story-- because if you're not being honest to friends, it can hurt them.
ReplyDeleteI wish and I'm trying to be more honest with others. I do like it when people are honest with me. I'd rather they would be because it saves so much hurt in the end. Fantastic post.
ReplyDeleteWhile I agree with you, I'm glad I didn't see your challenge earlier. MY goal for today was to be nice to the coworker that drives me crazy. And trust me, he does NOT want me to be honest with him..... LOL
ReplyDeleteI love this. The other day I overheard a conversation on the street- a woman said she couldn't break up with her boyfriend 'now' because they just moved in together. Wow. I thought how sad and hurtful that was, for both of them. Honesty is so important.
ReplyDeleteI was going to write a post like this to TKP! Except mine would've been called The UnKindness of Being Nice - cuz I'm blunter like that :P lol
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